"Truth is something which can't be told in a few words. Those who simplify the universe only reduce the expansion of its meaning." - Anaïs Nin.
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Antraeus Laughing Owl
(This is a hotchpotch comprising a few emails to people who wished to know more about me. Consequently, you may find that bits of it are repeated).
It’s 2012 and coming up to my 47th birthday.
Before I was born, my parents were told by my nan in a séance that I would be an artist but she wasn’t permitted to say anymore. I didn’t find that out until my parents divorced in 88. Now it turns out I’m much more than an artist but anyway that path served me well for years (we’re talking rich inner life here though and quite the opposite materially!) and my life until now has largely consisted of heavy karma to crack open the egg because being a male spirit I was asleep emotionally for several lifetimes, since I played the role of a dark hat (which I won’t go into. LOL. But one day I was determined to find out and was shown what I did in that life that I couldn’t forgive myself for so many lives in meditation…although I’ve had many lifetimes helping to keep the Light alive and working towards the creation of the new world). So I’m kind of gothy now because I brought a lot of pain with me into this life and I have also finally forced myself to feel through the pain.
I spent my (mostly unpleasant) childhood locked away in my room drawing although I was usually outside enjoying the sunshine in the summer. I had a half-size drumkit and then bass guitar as a teenager neither of which I really learned to play properly. I then started to write poetry and songs which I enjoyed singing. I had a very cheap acoustic guitar but I just started exploring the chords purely in order to write songs. So I only really learned to play according to my creative inspiration and intuition and improved with time that way. I never had the opportunity to record my songs in a studio and had neither the drive nor the money to do anything with them except perform here and there when the opportunity arose. The two songbooks containing my early songs were stolen while my belongings were in storage for a few years. Eventually, the noise war with my Pakistani neighbours in London put me off playing even for ten minutes a day in the afternoons and I forgot how to play some songs, lost all of the solos which were uniquely created with the songs and could no longer write songs at all although I attribute that to growing older as well as being preoccupied with researching and writing! Writing books has been a huge sacrifice and, so far, it hasn’t got me anywhere. In fact, I am poorer than I ever was and poverty has pretty much killed the passion I once had for my work. I lost my creative imagination, musical inspiration, clairvoyant potential and emotional energy or whatever you want to call it.
Apart from trying my hand as a signwriter when I left school I had a series of crap jobs in factories and offices mostly which did not do much for my morale. I’ve had about 30 jobs altogether and hated all of them. Although the oppression I experienced in jobs, it has to be said, ended when I started working with Asians to promote their cab firms in central London. I did that mostly part-time for ten years and tried to juggle this work with my writing projects with little time for anything else. I ended up having a couple of ‘little breakdowns’ as I refer to them. One was the result of not having enough free time to work on a book that an agent was pressuring me to finish and being depressed for about ten months. And the other was, well, a result of losing that connection with my inner child that kept me going emotionally and of which music was a vital part as it propped me up until that point.
My interest in spiritual truth took off when I was 19 or something. My search for truth, I would say, was born the moment I shouted ‘What the fuck is going on?’ at the sky in a fit of exasperation at the age of 17 whilst on a journey somewhere. My bike had a puncture, if I remember rightly, and I was about four miles from home at that point, having cycled up a long hill.
At 18, I was into socialism but my father was a spiritual healer with an interest in theosophy, spiritualism and channelled teachings. He had been trained to discipline his mind and memory for the purpose of distant healing when he was in the army, I guess in his early 20s. He and my mother attended séances in the 60s but she was always the psychic one and when they had me she saw my father’s mother - who had passed away after a long and rare illness and looked quite spooky – and passed out! After that, my mother would have nothing to do with anything involving the paranormal and would not even talk about that or related subjects. So my father had to meditate and practice healing in secret as well as hide all of his spiritual books in a cupboard. Consequently, I grew up without knowing any of this. In my late teens, my father started introducing me to his spiritual knowledge privately, without my mother knowing (the conversation would end abruptly if she suddenly appeared!).
I became interested in astrology at the age of 21 through my best friend when we shared a house with another guy. That is to say that I came round to seeing that there was some truth in it after 6 months of arguing and rejecting it as nonsense! I was heading in an esoteric direction and I found that socialists tend to be aggressively dismissive of anything spiritual, including astrology, so I replaced one with the other. Another friend suggested that I study it at evening classes which I did (instead of going to India with a guy whom I thought would not be the ideal travelling partner). So I did. I had a good, traditional teacher for a few years and eventually taught the subject part-time for a while.
When I was 22, my mother left my father and I went to live with him for a few months because he was having a hard time. The shelves were suddenly full of books – and not just any books of course! Haha. I had a great time and as I read them it all just clicked and I thought, ‘Hey, I know all of this.’ Apart from art and music it was the first time I felt good at something, like a natural gift for understanding many deep truths. My father had always wanted to go to a spiritualist church so we went to one each Sunday together. I felt a presence in the church that was so powerful I could hear it buzzing. I could literally move my head in and out of it at the edge and the din would stop and then be there again. I found it very weird but amusing! We attended some questions and answers meetings there and it turned out that there was a powerful angel in the church so that was what it was. I was also feeling tingling/tickling on my face and a tight headband around my head at times and this was also explained in the meetings as the effects of guides when they first start to draw near. I experienced it for a couple of years or more until eventually I got angry and told them to go away because I wanted to see and hear them and I found it frustrating – even though it was a comfort as well. When I moved away again I went to a spiritualist church there as well and was invited to join a circle. So, during that year I had some direct contact with quite a few weird and wonderful spirits as opposed to just receiving messages via mediums.
I then left the area to go to college because I lost my job and I was spending a lot of my time studying spiritual books and grounding philosophical ideas through writing. I was also into meditation and subjects like tarot and numerology. But mysticism was really my thing. And, although I was reading about Raja Yoga, Taoism, Buddhism, Sufism, shamanism, Theosophy (and a bit of Qabbalah and Crowley but not much) as well as being interested in Osho and Meher Baba, what I really gravitated to was channelled teachings: by Silver Birch, White Eagle, and others. My favourite book has always been ‘Francis Speaks’ and its sequel…just the most eye-wateringly beautiful words from St Francis of Assisi ever spoken! I also came across Lazaris at college (I tried showing videos of him at college but no one was really interested!) and then later Kryon’s books. Being in London also availed me of many opportunities to attend spiritualist churches and various spiritual meetings, channellings and lectures.
I had also always received a ton of inspiration philosophically and that’s largely how I learned, as I said, by grounding wisdom through writing. At college I had the privilege of being able to create my own curriculum because it was a very cool course called ‘Independent Study’ which had been founded in 1974. My dissertation was on ‘The Nature of God,’ which I now feel quite proud of. My studies for the actual course represented a fraction of what I was really submerging myself in. I was in India when they closed the course and forced people to conform to the mainstream. They wouldn’t allow me to finish my degree studying ‘Atlantology’ because my premise was that it definitely existed and they wanted me to spend a whole year dilly dallying about whether or not existed. Fuckers. LOL. I did not compromise by choosing a less controversial subject because it looked like they would disapprove of anything I wanted to study. I’ve been a harsh critic of academia ever since.
At some point, it occurred to me that St Francis must be ‘there’ somewhere and that it might be possible to communicate with him or something. So I started tuning into him during meditation and he came and overlighted me with his powerful, loving presence of course! His divine presence would merge with me and I’ve never since known such beautiful, sweet and compassionate energy. Too beautiful for words. It made me cry on a few occasions. I didn’t meditate every day until I read that this was preferable some years later so this communion would take place, quite irregularly. And, in fact, I couldn’t meditate for a few years because I was so angry about the experiences I had when I moved back to London in 1993. After that though I meditated and sent distant healing to people quite regularly until around the year 2000 I discovered the importance of meditating each day.
I also got really into the Barefoot Doctor’s teachings on Taoist wisdom and practices for a while which coincided with and helped to inspire a three-year period in which I maintained a positive mind (even though it did not include the full flow of feeling and contributed to my psychological crash of which repeating affirmations was a significant aspect). I discovered Ganesha through a book called Golden Keys to Ascension by Joshua David Stone although I found most of his book too complicated. Thenceforth, I communed with Ganesha in meditation faithfully each day for a few years and had a new best friend in him! I learned that Ganesha is the antidote to the kali yuga and found that his energy was very empowering. When I met St Germain he encouraged me to commune with him which I did daily for a year. After that I discovered Sekhmet and the effect her powerful, more feminine energy has on me although I now only call upon her if I need to boost my confidence for action out in the world. I don’t want to rely on any of these energies and I feel that they have stepped back to encourage me to go directly to the Source which I do most of the time now. I also communed with Metatron, Isis and other angelic and extraterrestrial beings for a couple of years but my struggles in life got the better of me and I lost my focus. I was, however, filling my meditation space up with various ascension-related visualisations and have given priority to this ever since even though it does not carry me up high on wings of Light. I might add, though, that the seed for this practice had already begun with inspiration from Barefoot and other sources in the early noughties.
In an ideal world I would have become an astrologer if I couldn’t earn a living from my music. But I never had any money and England’s never been spiritually awake. I was pretty damaged and in no fit state to do much even though I was asked when I was going to teach. I was running meditation groups once a week but that came to a halt when I moved to London. I believe that, since I was not equipped to teach directly as may have been intended prior to birth, I was given a path/mission which involved moving down to London and writing books. Worst mistake I ever made (as my ego – which has taken a considerable battering here - would have it!)! Well, as I see it, living in London for so long represented a crisis that was also a learning curve. No doubt it was also an opportunity to clear some personal and/or national karma too as well as being aligned with an attempt to raise the vibration in that city in preparation for the opening of the planetary Earth Star chakra or something.
Teaching astrology brought me a revelation that turned into a book that spouted other works which themselves pollinated others. So I've been writing forever, well 18 years. As I explained earlier, I have always written inspired philosophical thoughts down to ground them. The revelation I had lead to me researching ancient mythology and writing a book…which mushroomed into about 25 unfinished projects. Well, I have finished a trilogy which is all about suffering and nothing like my ’real’ books. No one wants to publish it though. Too many uncomfortable and controversial truths I guess. I got caught in a tidal wave of info sharing on the net in 2008 and learned about the global elite. I spent a lot of time researching in order to fill in the gaps in my books, realising that pretty much every book that’s ever been written is based on a bunch of historical and current BS! Some of my books are political too.
Actually, I had two revelations. The second one came after seven or so years and presented me with the foundation of about a third of the books. A third are just other philosophical issues I’ve been playing with. I admit I was in angry warrior mode at that time but unlike most Indigos it turned out that thousands of years ago I and 20 other souls arranged to receive a DNA activation from Isis on 12 December 2009 and I encountered St Germain and the ascended masters who did their best to prepare me for that and push me along the spiritual path as far as possible.
Over the years, I have studied various philosophical subjects, developed a passion for Taoism and Chinese internal alchemy and martial arts but also continued to gravitate to channelled teachings from higher beings. I have toyed with many other things – even Western and Indian traditions! - without following anything as a belief system, just adding to my own truth and practice. As you will have gathered by now, I have also relied chiefly on channelled teachings for truth and no longer even trust anything any human says because it pretty much pales into insignificance by comparison. So I read loads of channelled articles on the net now that the portals have all re-opened. I channelled a little myself years ago and fancied myself as a channeller. But, writing books, I was stuck in my head for years. It’s only now that I am coming to life through my heart more. So, yes, my feet are firmly set on the ascension path even though I crashed at some point instead of moving in a straight line. This world sucks, basically, and as St Germain told me, I don’t want to be here.
I still play some of my old songs occasionally and I’m always saying I want to get back into it and perform more but I’m just so busy and my memory has always let me down. I intend to record them in a studio when the money is available however and may get back into it that way. Other things I enjoy are dancing and nature. Since moving to Yorkshire in 2011 I have enjoyed regular walks in the hills and also have a few idyllic places now where I can practice tai chi and meditate, weather permitting.
I'm a starseed and Indigo and came to this planet to serve, to assist with the planetary ascension process at this time, to awaken from my slumber and clear up old karma and emotional blockages...and so I encountered St Germain and other beings from the higher realms who have helped me to make use of the new teachings in the past few years. I was a jackal-headed alien during the Golden Age of Egypt (and Atlantis) about 50,000 years ago prior to that I lived in the Inner Earth apparently) and entered the cycle of sleep and reincarnation specifically to be of help during the planetary ascension at this time. Supposedly faster waking up but also…the novelty of some things doesn’t wear off so easily it seems!
So that's me I have lived, I have loved and I have tried to commit suicide! Hahaha. My epitaph! ;D
But it's all just a big joke, and our nightmares are ending...
'Laughing Owl' is a name that the Arcturians gave me after I asked them to remove all pain from me on all levels whilst communing with them in meditation. I don't know what that pain is, whether it's from my own past lives or just collective pain I can feel, but it surfaced during that meditation as it does very occasionally. It's quite horrific and very overwhelming! A similar thing happened when I asked Sathya Sai Baba to help me. He showed me that the solution is to be like this exotic and exuberant little king that he sent me as a thought form, just being in joy and radiating love and humour, being in the flow of abundance and sharing from the heart with all whom I meet. In addition, the Mandarin (the healing energy who offered healing in full trance mediumship through someone, whom I visited off and on for about a year in 1992) advised me to see life as a mighty joke. He also said that, contrary to my belief resulting from experiencing so much suffering, I love life and people. St. Germain also recommended that I see the funny side of everything.
In addition, this name represents my 5D perspective which nobody's false beliefs or arguments can touch. Although I still engage with (and challenge) people to share the truth as I see it I just seem to end up laughing these days. Indeed, like many starseeds who have been through a long-term crisis, I am finding that the current of feeling flows freely and I am less prone to anxiety and other negative emotions these days which suggests that we are, at last, approaching the end of the tunnel.
"You know you've 'lost it' when you've lost your sense of humour. And you know you've attained a level of en-light-enment when you've found your sense of humour and see all as a divine comedy. - Antraeus de Herschia.
I have an Aquarian ascendant and if you’re clairvoyant you’ll see me as one who knows but if you are afraid of truth for whatever reason I’m likely to come across as arrogant or opinionated. Do I care? Not a hoot! Although I also identify strongly with leopards, I have always been that owl that is the Sabian symbol for my Sun's degree, perched on the branch of a tree (with the Dragon's Tail on the Midheaven and Square Saturn), above the world yet ready to enrich it with my creative power and intelligence and depth of feeling. Don't laugh! ;D
I actually called myself 'Eagle Owl' for a while in 1992 having seen a photo of one in an exhibition after exiting a healing session. They're very striking. I then had a powerful dream in which an enormous eagle owl came out of a pond as though being reborn, like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Similarly, when I started teaching astrology, I had a dream in which I was a dragon releasing the fire (Sun in Sagittarius Conjunct the Dragon's Tail) in my belly by blowing it through my mouth. The result was that from the fire emerged a large bird. And this bird stolled down to a jetty where several small birds were hanging out. Thus the teacher learns to connect with people on their level, and through feeling and compassion (Dragon's Head in Gemini Conjunct the IC).
My Life Number is that of the understanding heart, usually gained through suffering but maturing through experience. It suggests someone with artistic ability and a charitable nature who has the ability to understand others and help them with their problems; someone who demonstrates strength and courage in adversity, who may do their best work in the background so no one hears of them; an independent and progressive soul with humanitarian ideals. It is important for these people to develop their sense of humour instead of indulging in self-pity, this being an outlet for their intense emotions.
“He who laughs last is he who wins.”
For, Love IS laughter, and laughter is Love.
“When love is fully present, fear cannot be. But if a fearful moment does arise, ask for help to rid it from your being. The ever-present loving arms of God and His emissaries will gently lift you into the self-empowerment of your birthright as the gods and goddesses you always have been and always shall be.” - Matthew (channelled through Suzanne Ward,1 May 2012, www.matthewbooks.com).
Ge XiangLan, hanging scroll, 1938
As for penguins ~ they're just funny!